A Guide to Sensual Communication: Elevate Your Intimacy in the Bedroom

Mastering Seduction as a Team Sport Part 1 Laurie Handlers & Michael Gibson


Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, more so when it comes to intimate moments in the bedroom. Laurie Handlers, through the Academy for Men, a division of Butterfly Workshops, aims to foster open and constructive conversation about sexual intimacy and desires.
This piece focuses on Communication 102 - how to communicate your desires during sex, change the course of action, and elevate the overall experience.

Dealing with Unfulfilling Lovemaking

Laurie highlights the unfortunate reality that many people "tolerate bad lovemaking," rather than expressing dissatisfaction. It's a common phenomenon for people to endure experiences that are too fast, too hard, or too pressurizing, instead of articulating their needs. This often leads to frustrations, misunderstandings, and, in some cases, physical pain.
While it's crucial to express discomfort, the approach taken to do so plays a significant role. Laurie confessed that when she tried to correct her partner, it often resulted in a backfire. She notes that men often withdraw or lose their sexual drive when criticized, which in turn, kills the mood.

"One of the things that most men don't understand is that women try to give cues throughout their lovemaking. Their bodies may be doing something a little bit different than what they're really tuned into. So, presence is a big piece of this, being able to read her body, read her breath and all the other things." - Laurie Handlers

The Distressing Reality: Women Faking Orgasms

In a survey of over a hundred women, Laurie found that 63% admitted to having faked an orgasm. The reasons were varied, with physical pain, boredom, and pressure to not hurt their partner's feelings ranking highest. This underlines the urgent need for a better communication mechanism during lovemaking.

The Art of Asking: How to Improve the Experience

A constructive method to navigate this situation is by simply asking, "What can I do that would make this better?" This way, the woman can guide the man, helping him adjust his pace, strength, and technique. Laurie mentions that it's important for men to maintain their pace, even if a woman begins to moan in pleasure, instead of speeding up, which is a common mistake.

The Number System: Communication with Clarity

A novel approach to improving communication is the "Number System". Used for both pain and pleasure, the numbers represent the intensity of the sensation. For instance, if the woman is experiencing discomfort, she might say out "9, 9, 9," signalling the man to stop. On the other hand, if the pleasure is intense, she might express that with a "10". This system eliminates the need for long sentences or explanations, simplifying the process.
Laurie also introduces the concept of the "Back Button". This metaphorical button allows the partners to return to a previously pleasurable action if the current one isn't working out. If the woman says "Oh," the man can ask her if she wants to hit the back button, allowing him to return to the previous action.

The Blueprint of Erotic Pleasure

Laurie proposes the "Erotic Blueprint" where one party can indicate when they've reached an ecstatic point they want to explore further. This can allow partners to navigate through past emotions stored in their bodies and achieve a deeper level of intimacy.

"There's a lot of things that go into that communication piece, especially when you're in the midst and throes of lovemaking, and I recommend that you find a language that works for you." - Laurie Handlers

The Final Act: Breaking the Energetic Bubble

At the end of the lovemaking session, it's essential to "break the bubble". This term denotes the end of the intimate activity, allowing both parties to transition smoothly back into their regular dynamics.
In conclusion, the art of sensual communication is a continuous learning process. By implementing methods like the Number System, the Back Button, and the Erotic Blueprint, couples can significantly enhance their bedroom experiences, leading to happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships.

Q&A

Question 1: What is the “Back Button,” and how can it improve the lovemaking experience?

Answer: The “Back Button” is a metaphorical button that allows partners to return to a previously pleasurable action if the current one isn’t working out. If one partner says “Oh,” the other can ask if they want to hit the back button, allowing them to return to the previous action. This can significantly improve the lovemaking experience by avoiding frustration and discomfort.

Question 2: How can the Erotic Blueprint enhance intimacy between partners?

Answer: The Erotic Blueprint allows one partner to indicate when they’ve reached an ecstatic point they want to explore further. This can help partners navigate past emotions stored in their bodies and achieve a deeper level of intimacy. By exploring each other’s Erotic Blueprints, partners can learn more about each other’s desires and deepen their connection.

Question 3: How can asking “What can I do that would make this better?” improve communication during lovemaking?

Answer: Asking this question can help partners communicate their needs and desires during lovemaking. This way, one partner can guide the other, helping them adjust their pace, strength, and technique. By expressing themselves openly and constructively, partners can avoid misunderstandings and frustration, leading to more fulfilling and enjoyable lovemaking experiences.